


remembrance

by doubletan



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Confusion, Engagement, Fluff, M/M, Oblivious Yuri, Pining, Pining victor, Slow Burn, angsty at first then fluff later on, ep 10 and banquet scene, heartbroken victor, i mean when has victuri not been fluff, love sick victor, mainly on victor's part lmao, yuri sparkling eyes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-14
Updated: 2016-12-14
Packaged: 2018-09-08 13:57:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,377
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8847712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doubletan/pseuds/doubletan
Summary: Victor remembers the confusion, hurt and rejection when he finds the empty hotel room that had once been occupied by an individual bearing the name of Katsuki Yuri hours ago, and said individual was now en route to Japan. He remembers sinking to the carpeted floor in his pajamas before returning to his own room to curl up in his comforter. He remembers Yakov coming over to help him pack with pity evident in his eyes when the check out time had long past and Victor was nowhere to be found. And all Victor could do was lie immobile on the bed with tears he thought would never end. He remembered lecturing his own self mentally, that it was ridiculous to act this way for someone you had only met once, but yet, he could not deny the fact that last night was the first time Victor had felt honestly living, relieved from the burdens and expectations as a renowned and international ice skater. Being with Yuri had felt absolutely right.or a fic of how a heartbroken Victor had fared since that banquet and how he finally won Yuri's heart





	

**Author's Note:**

> tbh i nv thought i write a yoi fic bc im super crazy abt iwaoi at the moment still (look at my dahsboard lmao), esp when the show was still ongoing but...EPISODE TEN KILLED ME SO HERE IT IS. u cant even believe the amt of rewatching i had to do to join the dots, i swear yoi is amazing. and tq to all those tumblr posts that aided in connecting many stuff and provided my w many ideas!! :D if i missed out or did any part inaccurately, or got the timeline wrong pls let me know i appreciate it so so much!!

The clinking of rings that resounded when they held hands in the cold brought another surge of warmth to heat Victor’s heart up, a welcoming furnace. Lifting his eyes to the dark night, full moon, and snowflakes falling from above, he realized he never felt more happy in his entire life. The startling recent revelation had healed wounds he never knew needed closure, forgotten in layers of newer and joyful memories, but had still existed without his knowledge. But now, Victor was a new man all over again, healed and renewed. Unconsciously, he squeezed Yuri’s hand tighter and pressed closer, the understanding that numerous coincidental factors had played a major role in their relationship today had Victor appreciating and thanking the heavens for it. He could not contemplate the most probable opposite way their lives could have turn out in fear: that they could be still living thousands of miles apart without a single glance at the other ever again, Victor unable to find love and life while gradually losing his drive for figure skating and the reason why Yuri had never contacted him. And for Yuri, unable to reach his fullest potential and convincing himself of his mediocrity when he was desired for greatness. 

_almost one year ago_

Victor remembers the warmth of Yuri’s hands, supporting him with joy and security, eyes blazing bronze in their intensity and oozing with sexiness with the press of their hips against the other during that one fateful banquet dinner. That young innocent man, who without a single doubt, skated with the same style and posture as Victor had during the Finals just yesterday, a feat that could only be achieved by poring over every single one of Victor's performances obsessively; who was so shy that he walked away abashedly when Victor wanted to take a photo with such a dedicated and successful fan that made Victor oh so proud, had appeared in his peripheral once again. At first hunched over despairingly and dragged along by his coach tonight, now transformed into a totally different man. How could such an individual he had only met the day before make Victor feel truly happy and so so _alive_?

What Victor remembers best of that banquet was of Yuri grinding his hips into Victor’s unabashedly with the audience of gasping fellow skaters surrounding them, shocked from the lewd scene. Yet, it did not unfaze Yuri, who bravely asked him to visit him in Japan to be his coach. Brown doe eyes stared up at him sparkled like the stars far up in the galaxy, untouchable and unstained by anything. And at that particular moment, Victor was certain all he wanted was to revolve around this star.

Victor remembers the confusion, hurt and rejection when he finds the empty hotel room that had once been occupied by an individual bearing the name of Katsuki Yuri hours ago, and said individual was now en route to Japan. Sinking to the carpeted floor in his pajamas, he returned to his own room to curl up in his comforter. Yakov had to come over to help him pack with pity evident in his eyes when the check out time had long past and Victor was nowhere to be found. And all Victor could do was lie immobile on the bed with tears he thought would never end. He lectured his ownself mentally, that it was _ridiculous_ to act this way for someone you had only met once, but yet, he could not deny the fact that last night was the first time Victor had felt honestly living, relieved from the burdens and expectations as a renowned and international ice skater. Being with Yuri felt _absolutely right_.

Victor remembers the insecurities and longing that plagued the remaining days after the eventful banquet. He trued to recall what he had done wrong during the banquet but came up short. Should he had asked for Yuri’s number? Invited him to his room? But wasn’t it too fast for a first meeting? But then again, obviously Yuri would had known what he had done wrong, having a definite string of lovers at his feet while Victor had none even if he was, ironically, claimed as the most desirable bachelor. He had asked _everywhere_ ,skaters and coaches alike, but none had a single contact information of this man that he was bewitched by in the time span of a single night. Except for...Victor. He sighed, ignoring the messages and calls from Yakov and his fellow rink mates pleading him to come back to practice, before unlocking his phone screen to the wallpaper of both of them dancing that night before opening his photo application to stare at the majestic Japanese bathhouse. Had Yuri been playing him? Or did he already had a lover in Japan? But then why did he tell Victor where he lived? Or...had he been lying? Doubts plagued in his mind but Victor forcefully pushed them away, there was no use dwelling on them if he would never figure out the truth. Makkachin licked his hand and Victor held him tight, thinking he had at least one constant in his life. Victor was tearing himself apart from the dilemma: to go to Japan right now or to stay in his home country.

Victor remembers practicing Yuri’s old performances from Youtube, an endeavor to ease the gaping and increasing void in his heart. However, all it did was widen it as he imagines Yuri dancing the same steps and routines, imagines them skating together, imagines them in love with each other. All he could do was imagine, for they would have never come true. Victor admires his glistening costumes, his gelled-back hair, and the insurmountable stamina he has for his numerous step sequences and spins. Victor sighed, he doesn’t want Yuri in a Youtube video, he wants Yuri right here right now in his arms.

_ten months ago_

Victor remembers praising himself for his ingenuity and felt brighter than he did for weeks. The World Figure Skating Championships was coming up, and if Google was accurate, Yuri had participated in the last few and would most probably do the same for this year. Unsurprisingly, there was little information on Yuri besides his achievements. A mysterious man that had bewitched Victor and left without a trace. Victor felt himself twitch a brow, maybe a story for his next competition. Yuri had spurred too many emotions and gifted him with innumerable inspirations to be used for his competitions. When he had once wrecked his brains thinking of ways to surprise the audience, now, the sole person he wishes to surprise is the one and only Katsuki Yuri. So, after much hunting for the perfect song, he had decided to use ‘Stay Close to Me’, a melodious Italian song to convey his emotions to Yuri. He knows Yuri is capable enough that he would be able to feel his feelings for him through it: simply put, to stay close to him, to find and contact him. And all Victor can do right now is to wait for Yuri’s reactions when he performs it.

_seven months ago_

All Victor remember was the crushing disappointment, when he had poured his fullest emotions and love into his performance but Yuri was nowhere in sight. A few inquiries later and he finds out Yuri could not qualify for the Championships. A year of hopefulness and longing with the expectation he could _at least_ get to see him once again. All gone. So _close, yet so far._ In Japan, yet Yuri isn’t here. He curses the unreliable and outdated Wikipedia page. Even if he had won a gold medal for it, his goal remained unfulfilled. After the ordeal of having to go through the prize presentations and interviews, he left without a word. Back to Russia to wallow in his pathetic state.

Victor remembers pure happiness when a notification pops up from Youtube with a recommendation of the latest trending video. Jumping out of bed and fumbling with his phone, he nearly drops it when he sees the title: ‘Katsuki Yuri tried to skate Victor’s FS Program: Stay Close to Me’. He kicked his luggage out of the way which he had dumbly placed in the middle of his room when he returned from Japan yesterday. Rushing eagerly towards Makkachin on the couch, he takes a deep breath before playing it. The exact same guy, albeit a little plumper and sadness lacing his eyes, had danced the exact same routine that Victor did a day ago. He frowns, fingers tapping a rhythm against his forehead, was this Yuri’s way of conveying to him he felt the same way and wanted Victor to fulfill his promise he made about being his coach? _Definitely._ Was he sad because Victor wasn’t there? _Most probably._ Fine, maybe. Victor smiled a smile so wide it threatened to break his face. He stroked Makkachin, “let’s go to Japan again.”

Victor remembers the figure, blunt yet caring, rough yet gentle, standing in the harsh Russian winter before the airport. “Vitya, you’re making a mistake. Are you sure you want to throw everything you worked hard for away just for that _drunk banquet boy_ who left you that day?” The disapproving lines on Yakov’s weathered face was evident, and a surge of immense warmth flows through him, grateful for all the times Yakov had taken care of him. Yet, he walked away after a kiss on his cheek, for Yakov would not have understood how this _drunk banquet boy_ had changed his life so dramatically.

Victor remembers the same confusion, hurt and rejection like deja vu when Yuri was not even _pleased_ when Victor had announced his arrival and position as coach for him. On the contrary, Yuri looked _horrified beyond belief_. “Victor, why are you here?!” Yuri had said. Wasn’t this what Yuri wanted? He doesn’t understand, not one bit. But then again, Yuri was always a mystery to Victor that he could not solve. A mystery, but he had struck Victor hard like a bullet to his chest.

Victor remembers when Yuri had hinted about that memorable night by mentioning his ‘unused banquet room’, yet when Victor commented on his anxiousness with a wink, Yuri had only stared at him blankly. Did Yuri not want to remember it? When Victor had remembered everything since he first met Yuuri? Did Yuuri think it was a mistake? Was Yakov right along? _That coming here a mistake?_ Victor brushed them away once again, he was already here and he was damn well going to try his best to win this man’s heart, who was so alluring he mystified Victor from Russia all the way to Japan, no matter how unattainable it seemed for Victor.

Hence, Victor remembers placing his fingers under Yuri’s chin and lifting his head up, hoping Yuri will be able to see he is able to be on par with him, in terms of being well-versed in the world of love, and would then reciprocate the same dizzying attraction Victor’s has for him. Yet, what he did not expect was for Yuri to scramble vigorously away from him to the extent of knocking against the door of the opposite room, leaving Victor in crippling sadness.

Victor remembers knocking on Yuri’s door, brashly asking to sleep together in the same room. He merely wanted to have a better grasp of this mystifying boy and to be able to have a sight of his room...would be one of Victor’s long lasting fantasies fulfilled. However, not only did he not get a sight, Yuri had screamed out a vehement ‘no’ and locked his bedroom door.

Victor remembers retreating back to the dusty small room that was now his bedroom, laying out a guest futon for the first time by himself with much difficulty. And after that, hugging Makkachin to his chest with the smell of musty cardboard from the boxes surrounding him. Falling asleep in tears, Victor had never felt more alone and depressed. He had given up everything to come here but Yuri still seemed thousands of miles away from him.

Victor remembers secretly admiring Yuri skating aimlessly along the ice rink in circles, a forlorn expression gracing his features. He had heard from the married couple next to him who were Yuri’s childhood friends about an unsociable Yuri who lacked in confidence, a total contrast from the Yuri he had known at the banquet. How could Yuri have such opposite facets in his personality? It only made Yuri more mysterious, and Victor more drawn to him to unravel the mystery behind him. Even though Yuri was different when not inebriated, Victor still finds himself wanting to stay, wanting to learn more of this Yuri he was newly informed of, wanting to mold him into someone better, wanting to bring out the talents and confidence he had displayed on one certain night. And all it did was make Victor fall in love with this paradoxical man even more that he thought he ever could.

_five and a half months ago_

Victor remembers performing Eros in front of a wide-eyed Yuri, who’s eyes Victor knew had comprehended the story behind it. Yet, there was neither the light of understanding behind them for its connection to that night nor the people that were represented in the story. Asking Yuuri how was the program in hopes, and they vanished by the generic answer given. Maybe Yuri had wanted to forget about that night because it wasn’t how he acted normally? That must be it. He remembers giving up on making connections to that night, but he was still adamant about shaping Yuri to relive the same confidence he had, for it would be the golden ticket to his gold medal at this year’s Grand Prix Finals.

Victor remembers the sudden yawning pit of disappointment when not only did Yuri not find his Eros _which he already has_ , he desperately attempted to use _katsudon_ as a substitute. It was so laughable and ridiculous, reminding Yuri to imagine a _katusdon_ and not _Victor himself_ during practice. Downing glass after glass of beer in the humid ramen store, Victor frantically strived to forget all of these events if only for a few hours that makes him wallow in despair yet having to put on a cheerful front for Yuri. He could only hope that Yuri would find his real Eros buried deep inside him soon.

Victor remembers pride and approval when he sees Yuri skate like never before and most importantly, in the opposite role as the woman in the story that seduced the playboy by using the same steps but with a different style and emotions. He had expected this, for he knew Yuri was capable of it and so much more, yet it still never failed to surprise him. These were two out of uncountable other reasons Victor was enthralled to him: his vivid understanding of any dance merely through their steps and music and making it seemed they flow out of him, and his never-ending surprises. He could finally glimpse the same man from the banquet and his heart squeezed in contentment. Was this his way of telling him he wants Victor too? He finds his answer while standing on the podium with his arm around Yuri, and the same fierce warmth that radiates from his side that was pressed against Yuri. He was going to be by his side for a long time to come.

_five months ago_

Victor remembers the rush of love that flooded throughout his whole being when he had tread into the deepest depth of Katsuki Yuri’s heart that no one had succeeded in reaching before. The overwhelming dizzying happiness he had when Yuri had finally opened his heart for Victor in the cool sea breeze of Hasetsu was one he could never forget. Before he came to Hasetsu, Victor had assumed Yuri was better than him, that he was just one out of many individuals that had fallen to the wicked charms of Katsuki Yuri, yet ironically, Yuri had thought Victor as his idol, someone on a higher pedestal. And now, they had finally come to see each other as equals, and it makes Victor giddy with joy. He remembers looking forward to the days ahead which he was definite would be an ever changing relationship between them.

Victor remembers waking up in surprise to a bouncing and sparkly eyes Yuri in the middle of the night and the laptop illuminating his face. Falling asleep with the perfect music for Yuri’s program still playing, Yuuri breathed rhythmically against Victor's bare chest with his arm thrown over Yuri. Soft black hair had tickled his chin but he didn’t mind one bit, and they stayed that way until the afternoon sun that streamed in from the shutters was too bright to ignore.

Victor remembers when Yuri had finally invited him to his room the very next day with the new addition of posters of _him_ decorating the entire walls of his room. A blushing Yuri, fingers twiddling together in embarrassment, as he explained that this was why he had never invited Victor in at first. The vague smell of Yuri: of katsudon he had eaten that night and the minty scent of the soap provided by the bathhouse surrounded him, a much better upgrade than the musty stink of cardboard before, as they lay in Yuri’s bed tightly wrapped against each other. Victor was secretly ecstatic that they smelled the same. They never slept apart ever again.

Victor remembers a coy Yuri, who brushed the back of his hands with Victor’s when walking while faking nonchalance, yet betrayed by the flush on his cheeks, who pretended to slip on the ice to hug Victor for support when his a _renowned ice skater_ for god sake, who kissed Victor’s forehead discreetly when he thought he was sleeping. Returning the favor, Victor grabs hold of Yuri’s hand when their hands brushed once again, to hug him whenever he finished a routine or when Yuri sits on top of him when watching the television, and to kiss his forehead before sleeping and when he wakes. Victor didn’t dare venture to pressing his lips to other parts of Yuri, he wants it to be at Yuri's own pace and time, without rushing to establish their recent relationship lest it adds unwanted pressure with the impending Grand Prix. 

_a month ago_

Victor remembers searing passion, the blood thrumming in his ears when Yuri had intentionally did the quadruple flip to surprise him, and it had worked. When had it not? Rushing towards the entrance of the rink and before he could even think, he had enveloped Yuri in a kiss in front of the entire world. Those sparkling eyes still manages to make him feel like his floating on air, untethered by gravity. “Victor, so are we...?” “Dating? Only if you want to.” Lips met Victor’s once again and both boys deep in love had found their answer.

Victor remembers fidgeting anxiously with Makkachin at his side, the hard plastic chair of Fukuoka International Airport Terminal not helping to ease him into a comfortable state. He missed Yuri dearly, as they had never been this far apart since he had stayed at the bathhouse. He kissed Yuri’s fingers, realizing that nothing else was as important as him, and the realization that he was willing to give up everything he holds dear, ice skating and Russia, if it only meant he could stay with Yuri forever.

_present time_

“Hey Victor?” Those sparkling eyes were directed at him with fear and hesitation and pulled Victor out of his reverie. “Hmm?” “Were you...repulsed by how I acted during that banquet?” Victor chuckled, “Of course not Yuri, I fell in love with you _because of it._ ” Then, his eyes seemed to glisten more brilliant than the stars or sun. 

With the soft falls of snowflakes on a lone street in Barcelona and a street lamp casting yellow light in a halo below them, their lips met once again in the wintry air. The resounding clink of their rings sounded as if their love could be witnessed throughout the world.

**Author's Note:**

> [tumblr](http://doubletan.tumblr.com/)


End file.
